I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
is it fun? or sober?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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