how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
smell my finger.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
