This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
