i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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