When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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