can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
