Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
