that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
