I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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