I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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