If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
