i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
