guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
