Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
