Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
