totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
