I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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