you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
