You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
