I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The Olympian is in my bed
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
