I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
