just come out here and I will go home with you...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
