she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
