Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
