Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
