Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
