A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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