Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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