He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
