Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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