just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
