Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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