where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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