wakey wakey hands off snakey
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
