A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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