hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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