we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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