he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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