your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
