I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
