God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
