First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
