i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
