You're so nebulous sometimes
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
