My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
