Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
