I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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