I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
