cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
two words...techno handjob
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
