I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
