First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Found the puke drawer
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
