I'm gonna have a badass scar
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
