Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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